Strange Human Encounter and the Non-Apology!

A couple of days ago I had an interaction with a person whom I have never met that I am still thinking about.

I have a friend who is out of town and asked several of us to watch her cats. I agreed to help and created a schedule for all the people so we each knew when we should watch the animals. I and my children went on the days we were scheduled. Caden (my seven year old) scooped all the litter boxes and put new litter in them. My kids hugged and loved the cats and each time we went we were generally excited to help.

Here is where it gets strange. I get an email from one of the other people who is helping watch the cats. I wish you could hear tone in an email. I was pretty certain that this person was furious for reasons that were ridiculous. This person was mad that we were going to the house on the days she was scheduled. She was mad that we threw out a bag with cat poop in it and mad that the cat had an accident. So I re-read our schedule and she made the mistake. I was at the house on my scheduled day. So I responded to the email she had sent. I said I am not sure if she realized how incredibly rude and frustrated she sounded but in the future she may want to try a nicer approach. Now mind you it was VERY evident that she was ticked off. AGAIN....I have never met this person. I also said I would be happy to continue watching the cats since the week got doubled up. I asked her to respond to me and let me know the plans so I could make sure the cats were cared for. I got no response. I emailed another short note. In this note I said that I could have used a nicer tone I was just frustrated by the perceived tone of her email. I did not apologize. I was quite certain that her tone was intended but was trying to give the benefit of the doubt. She then responded and said I already told you I would watch the cats but I guess you never got the email. I obviously never got the email because I wouldn't have sent a second email. Are you with me because here is where it gets really strange. She then writes that she apologizes too(I didn't apologize). She said that she and her friends have talked about me and that is why she was rude in the initial email to me (so my perception was right). She said that it may be hard for me to hear this but that is why she was harsh to me. What? I have never met you! I don't know who you are and you and your friends are discussing what a terrible person I am? So in her apology she slammed me more than in her first email. She literally made it worse.

I decided not to respond to her because I am a firm believer that you can't fight crazy. I however, have thought about this exchange. I decided to think about times in my life I have apologized only to really blame it on the person I was apologizing to. So my lesson in this is when I apologize I need to make sure I am truly sorry. If I am not I think it is better to say nothing. It is obvious that she isn't sorry. I wish she had just said nothing. Now I am dealing with the aftermath of what she said.

I know I am a work in progress. I know that I have areas of blindness in my life. My prayer is that I would see these areas in my life and work on them. I pray that for her too. I am quite certain I am not the only person in her world that she has done this to. Especially, since I have never met her.

Jesus Loves US!

If you have followed my writing for any period of time you know that this past year has been difficult for us. We know that God loves us but there have been days where we could use an extra reminder of His love because the trials have been so big.

This week at church our pastor asked us to either Thank God for His love or ask God to show us His love depending on where we were at in our journey. I can honestly say I am right in the middle. In the midst of our pain I can see God's hand and I know He loves us but I also can go down the the "Where in the world are you God?" trail. This week I did both I thanked Him for His love and I asked Him to show us His love in tangible ways. I told Him I needed to feel Him and be reminded of His goodness!

After we left church we decided to take our family out to eat. We pondered and thought about this decision. We looked at our coupons and we finally came up going to Red Robin. Ironically, we had no coupon but it was Aubrey's birthday celebration and it is her favorite restaurant. We are on a VERY strict budget so going to this restaurant is a huge luxury for us. We were seated at a table and waited and waited and waited for a server to come. It had been about 15 minutes and any family with a toddler knows you are always on borrowed time at any restaurant. We did the head nod, raised hand thing to the next person we saw who worked at the restaurant, it just happened to be the manager. The short ending to this story is he gave us our entire meal free. We were not angry we were simply letting them know that we didn't think anyone was assigned to our table. He said to us "We have a line item on our budget for meals that we give away, I like to give them to the nice people." I have a sneaking suspicion that God loves us!

The next day a friend of ours called us and said "I know you guys wanted a grill, I got one for you. " What? You got us a grill? This friend came to over to our house and brought us a grill he had gotten for us. He found the grill on Craigslist and it needed a few things done to it. He spent his time taking the grill to the car wash and cleaning it and he spent several hours trying to fix the ignitor switch on it too. He loaded the grill in his truck and brought it to us. Really? He did all that for us? I hope he realizes how much he blessed us! He was Christ in action!

I look forward to seeing what other ways God will show us His love. Mostly, I am challenged to see how I can look for ways to show others God's love for them!

Caden, the Sun-baked Goddess and a Missing Two-Year Old!

Today seemed like a normal day for me, we all got up around 6:30 and began our morning routines. Around 9:00am I told the kids we could either go swimming or go to the zoo. Aubrey chose swimming and Caden wanted the zoo, Brielle was just along for either ride. Due to the split vote we decided to flip a coin to see what our day would bring us.

So it was heads for the zoo and tails for swimming......flip goes the coin....tails it is....and CRASH goes my day.

You see I don't flip the coin the same way Daddy does and it isn't fair that swimming won because Aubrey got to go to a birthday party yesterday and I promised we would go to the zoo this week(which I am quite certain is not true I never make promises). It was time for the great Caden melt-down of the century. I was so close to saying forget it we are not going anywhere. I promise there is a point to airing Caden's dirty laundry! So I finally get him calmed down and ready for swimming....time for melt-down number 2. We get in the car and go to the gas station because I want a Diet Dr. Pepper and after melt-down number 1 I am thinking I need a little caffeine. So I park the car and go to get out to get my soda. I generally leave my kids in the car when I do a quick task like that. I do have criteria I follow #1 I must be able to see my car the whole time I am in the store #2 I must be in a safe area #3 It must be the right temperature because I lock them in the car. OK so now that I won't be chastised for leaving my kids in a car I can see for five minutes I will move on. It was now that melt-down number 2 begins. Caden suddenly has a fear of me leaving him in the car. He begins to yell and throw a fit the likes of which I haven't seen since he was a toddler. Are you kidding me? I am simply going to get a soda that will take five minutes. Now it is the principle of it....I am getting my soda and you are staying in the car! Twenty minutes later I am still battling...pretty sure I was losing too. I am in shock at the ridiculousness of this behavior and I do it, the thing I swore I would never do. I threaten to call Daddy. I never want Carl to have to be my bad guy. I feel that it is my job to discipline the kids and they need to obey me when I ask them too, not because I tell them Daddy will be upset. So the fit continues and I follow through and call Daddy. He finally calms down a little and I am able to get my soda. At this point I am so frustrated I want to cry and swimming is the last thing I want to do but in fairness to the girls we continue on our way to the pool. I know this is long but stay with me!!!!

We have been going to the pool for several weeks and we have met an older lady who we will call Nancy. Nancy loves the sun and looks as though she spends hours by the pool each day. She is very sweet to my kids but has always seemed just a little "off". Today, Nancy began to tell me that she is going back to work tomorrow for the first time in three months. She has been on disability because she has a brain tumor. We began to talk about her job, disability and all the things going on in her world. I would share them all but this story is already long enough. Nancy needed a friend at that moment. She is terrified to go back to work. We sat and talked about her options and I asked her if I could pray for her. She said, "Yes". I began to pray for her and she began to weep. She said she feels a connection with me and that she was so thankful I came to the pool today. I almost let a temper tantrum stop me from going to the pool.

As we were leaving the pool I hear a women screaming a name over and over. I run up to the lady and ask if she is OK. She said 'No, my grandson is missing. He is two and he ran out of my house and I can't find him." I said "Ok, how long has he been gone?" She replied "about five minutes." I said "let me help you." So I spent the next 15 minutes of my day searching for this little boy. We ran and yelled his name and we found him across a major road playing on a playground at a church. Nonetheless, we found him!!!!! His Grandmother was weeping and crying and thanking us for our help. I almost let a fit keep me from the pool.

So at the end of my day I realized once again that our battle is not against flesh and blood. I could have let the drama my day held keep me from things that mattered. I also realized that if Caden hadn't had that fit we would probably not have been at the pool when the little boy was missing. See Satan has a plan but God can always use it for His good. I shared this with Caden. I explained to him that Satan didn't want us at the pool today and we talked about how so many people needed us there. Today I didn't battle my son I battled an enemy and he didn't win!!!!!!

Jeremiah 29:11 & Chick-fil-A

Yesterday was a day to go down in my history books. It was a yucky day. It was full of things that I didn't want to do and things I wish I hadn't said. The things I didn't want to do were things that I had been putting off and I had to face. The things I tackled were huge and life changing not the I need to go the grocery store type things. I actually fed my children cereal for dinner. I know that may not sound like something one should freak out about. Except, if you know me you know I am a person who makes a sit down meal for my family almost nightly. I was exhausted at 8:17 pm when I pulled into Chick-fil-A to buy my dinner. My emotional energy spent, my reserves gone, my heart broken and my spirit angry.

I pulled forward in the drive thru to get my #1 meal with extra pickle and there he was. He may have been 19 or at the most 20 years old. He had blonde hair, he was a little chubby and had a sweet smile. I noticed none of that initially. Frankly, I just wanted my food and wanted to go home. He looked at me and said "Ma-am, are you OK?" I responded with a "Ya, how about you?" He responded, "No, really are you OK?" I a little more annoyed said "Yes, I am fine." I wondered if I was wearing a sign that says my life is a little out of control and I don't like it? Then he said "I hope you don't mind but I feel like I am supposed to tell you Jeremiah 29:11." My eyes filled with tears. I couldn't hold back. He knew I wasn't OK. He knew he heard the voice of God telling him to say that to me. He knew I needed that! I got my food and drove away. I spent the first five minutes of my drive home in shock. I spent the next five minutes thanking a good and faithful God who loves me even when I am grumpy. God knew I needed Him to show me His heart. God knew I needed to know He still cared.

If you don't know Jeremiah 29:11 it is a verse I have had memorized for years. It is a verse that I often will repeat to myself to help me process situations in my life. I highly recommend committing this one to memory...see if I didn't know the verse Chick-fil-A guy's comment probably wouldn't have been as impacting.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I love my man!

Today I had a very bad attitude as Carl left for work. It wasn't work I had the bad attitude about. It was the work retreat that he was going on for three days. I usually don't care about such things. Sometimes I even enjoy the time for just me after the kids are in bed. Today however, I didn't feel like letting my friend, lover, leader, co-parent and comic relief leave my side. I didn't do a good job letting him know that my heart is running on empty and I just want to have him with me.

Perspective.....

I am grateful because today my husband is just a few miles away relaxing in the beauty that we call home, Colorado. He is able to text me, call me and probably can even read this blog. He is an amazing man. He is a leader, he is Godly, he is humble, he is mine.

I am sad that two young mothers today sit without half of their heart. I am sad that there is nothing that anyone can do to ease their sorrow. I am sad that God allowed two amazing husbands to leave this world far too soon.

So I take my bad attitude and put it into perspective, my husband will be home soon.

God help me to intercede for those who will never again feel their husbands arms, hear his soothing voice and watch him tickle their children. Help me to understand their needs. Help me to never take for granted every moment I have with the man I call husband!

The Song

Here are the lyrics to the song I wrote for Renee. Renee asked me to record the song for her. I don't play an instrument and I don't have the ability to record music. If you know of anyone who could help I would greatly appreciate your help. If you have gone through a season of pain I hope this song brings you comfort!

The Journey

It was a journey we didn’t want to face

It had an outcome that is still so hard to embrace

So many questions with answers so unclear

I know that Heaven is filled with all our tears

He is all that we need He will hold us tight

He is all we have to make it through this fight

I don’t understand Him and I don’t like His plan

But as we seek our Father we are held in his hands

He is loving, kind, and faithful, merciful and true

He is not offended by our small human view

For He is God and He is Good

Our hearts are aching beyond compare

Our heads are spinning from all our doubts and fears

Our hope is wounded our spirit broken

But faith remains when our hearts are wide open for….

He is all that we need He will hold us tight

He is all we have to make it through this fight

I don’t understand Him and I don’t like His plan

But as we seek our Father we are held in his hands

He is loving, kind, and faithful, merciful and true

He is not offended by our small human view

For He is God and He is Good

There is a healing for all to receive

He will redeem this if only we believe

He has a purpose His promises are real

He has compassion that pain is all we feel

He is all that we need He will hold us tight

He is all we have to make it through this fight

I don’t understand Him and I don’t like His plan

But as we seek our Father we are held in his hands

He is loving, kind, and faithful, merciful and true

He is not offended by our small human view

For He is God and He is Good

The Price of Friendship

I always thought I was a good friend. I typically(note the word choice) was kind to people. I had several "good" friends and I valued my relationships.

Then January 12th, 2010 changed everything. I realized I knew NOTHING about friendship. This day wiped away every thought or idealization I had of friendship. It was this day I realized that friendship isn't having BBQ's, planning play-dates, calling to chit chat, setting up holiday gatherings, deciding which movie to see or what restaurant to eat at (although these are fun and important parts of relationship). January 12th, 2010 is a date that called me deeper. It is a date that made me learn what it means to stand in the gap for a friend. It is a date that has forever changed how I look at friendship.

God asked me to sing a song that He had given me. He asked me to sing it at a brunch we had for Renee. He asked me to sing it in front of all of the women there. I begged God to give me an out. I looked for people to help me record the song so I could just play it for them (Ironically, David wasn't available.). I begged God to just let me read the lyrics. I explained to God that everyone will get the point. God said to my heart over and over "Are you willing to pay the price of friendship?" "WHAT???? Really God?" " Yes, I am willing to pay the price for friendship. Why is singing a song in front of a group of people what you want from me?" God's reply was so deep it took me back to childhood. I was reminded of all the years I spent singing on a stage, show choirs, drama productions, church worship teams and more. He reminded me how I always felt second class. I never felt quite good enough. Today I don't sing at all. I haven't used my gift in at least ten years. Most of my friends don't even know my passion for singing. Trust me there is a point here. He said "You have stopped using your gifts because you don't feel worthy. You don't feel worthy because you are prideful. Until you lay down your pride and be vulnerable you will never know how to be a friend." Still confused I obeyed. I sang the song. I was scared out of my mind as I find it much more difficult to sing in front of a few people then in front of a huge audience. I get it now. God called me to show Renee that I am willing to lay it all on the line for her. I don't know if Renee really knows how deeply that moment impacted me. I don't know if she realized that in that moment I fully understood what it meant to be a friend. I hope she does see the changes in me. I hope she knows that I am not a fair-weathered friend. I hope she knows I am willing to obey whatever God asks of me to be the friend that she needs. Renee isn't my only friend and I hope and pray that others in my life are seeing the changes too.