Today begins a journey.
I am determined to live a healthier lifestyle. I know I have said this a MILLION times before! If you have read my blog at all you know this topic is a reoccurring theme. Why? The reason is simple it the most prominent area in my life that is not fully surrendered to God. It nags at me daily. I have gotten very good at ignoring it.
God however is not letting me out so easily. Last night Carl and I had a very lengthy conversation about our health, the health of our children and what changes need to occur. During the course of our conversation Carl suggested that I find scriptures to memorize to help me when this change in my life becomes daunting. I sweetly smiled and agreed but truly didn't think much of the idea. I want to change but it's all the work involved that scares me!
On Mondays I am blessed to have a neighbor that takes Brielle for a few hours. Generally, I use this time to clean and organize. Today, I decided to spend a little time on myself. I indulged in a pedicure and just relaxed for an hour. I also decided that I am worth it so I went and got fast food. Huh? Isn't that a weird thought? It would be a strange thought to people who don't struggle with food. I am sure the others who have struggles with food addictions didn't even question that statement. So home I came with my bag of garbage. I ate my bag of garbage. Then it hit me...I was supposed to change today. I was supposed to start a new healthier lifestyle. I failed again. Typically, when failure occurs I run to more food.
Today was different. I ran to God. Three weeks ago my sister-in-law gave me a book on weight loss. I thanked her for the book and promptly laid it on my desk. It hadn't been opened. I decided that I would open the book. To my great surprise there were pre-printed scripture cards ready for my mind to absorb. God wants to help me on this journey if I will let Him. I began to read the book and it was all that I needed. It spoke of failure and how it has become my normal. It spoke about pressing onward toward the prize. I felt energized.
I decided to take a few minutes to journal. As I was writing I felt like God gave me a vision of my future. I know this may sound very strange to some of you. It seems a little weird to me too. For me a vision is like a dream only I am awake. I know what I "saw" is exactly what God is trying to teach me.
I saw a room with a door. This room was rather large, white and it felt chaotic. I walked to the door and squeezed through. I found myself in another room that wasn't quite so sterile. It had a bit more warmth and it seemed a little more peaceful. It too had a door in it that was just a bit smaller than the door I had just gone through. Again, I squeezed through the door only to find another room with another door just a little bit smaller than the door behind me. It seemed like I entered twenty rooms. Each room more warm and calm and each door a bit smaller. I came to the final room and instead of a door there was a mirror. I ran to the mirror. I was very excited to look into the mirror thinking I would see beautiful, thin, healthier version of myself. Instead I saw Jesus. Literally, my breath was taken away. I began to weep.
This journey for me will be about knowing God better. I will have to trust Him each step of the way with every failure and praise Him for each success. I do pray that in the end when I reach the final room that I as well as others will see Jesus in the mirror.