Big Fat Ugly Sin!

I tend to be a little plump. I know this may be earth shattering to many of you but true it is. I have essentially struggled with my weight my entire adult life. I have done every diet known to mankind. I have tried Nutrasystems, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Weigh Down, I have counted calories, I have starved myself and I even gone as far as taking Phen Phen (to which I now have a heart condition). I literally have tried everything. I however haven't given my sin to God. Yep, I am saying it out loud for the five or so people who might read this. I haven't given my sin to God! I haven't let Him be God in this area. I make excuses...I have a slow metabolism, I am too busy, it's genetics. However, the ugly truth is it is my drug of choice.

My sin is ugly. I am realizing how I let it not only haunt me but also those most important to me. I hide from getting my picture taken(there are very few pictures of me with my children). I have an unbelievably low self-esteem because I have allowed my failure in this area to create a incredibly warped view of myself. This view of myself affects how I engage in relationships with others. I don't do things I once loved to do because I am overweight.

My sin is definitely more visible than most sins. My pants are probably larger than yours and I am certain the treadmill doesn't get as much attention as it deserves. Reality is that we all have sin. What are you hiding? What are you making excuses for? Are you judging those of us who struggle with their weight and forgetting to look at your less visible sins. Reality is your sin may have caused someone to look to food for comfort.

I wish I could say I am done with this sin in my life. I will no longer struggle and I have given it to God. However, just like you taking those steps with God is scary and uncertain. What I can tell you with certainty is I am one step closer in this journey than I was yesterday.

Stand!

Life has truly been difficult lately, I mean soul wrenching, faith testing, pull your hair out difficult. I think I have had my fair share of testing over the past couple of years. I say this not to get sympathy or to have my own private pity party (I know there are others with much harder burdens to bear). I actually believe that without these trials God can not produce in my life what He needs to. However, lately I feel exhausted. I have no emotional filter and find myself crying because I can't get the jelly jar open. I keep asking God to show me what He is doing. Why? Why? Why? God tell me why are you allowing all this !**@!~ in my life?

Today, I felt like I got an answer. It was a simple answer. I am not sure my Mom even knows she helped answer my question.

The story goes like this...I called my Mom to vent about our hot water heater that went out on our townhouse we rent out. Yesterday I had the plumber out to fix the problem and it was only $85 I was so thrilled that it wasn't more...until 9:15 when our tenants called to let us know it still wasn't working. I was so frustrated and yes the tears fell and a few angry words went up to God. I called my Mom this morning and said "Mom, I don't get it! I feel like God is playing games with us. I feel like He gives us reason to have hope and then nope He just allows the rug to be pulled out from underneath us. It feels cruel." My mom very gently said, "honey I think He just wants you to stand." Immediately she had to go from the phone call. I was left to chew on that. What? He wants me to stand...hello He keeps pulling the rug out from under me. It isn't easy to stay on your feet when the ground isn't stable. But then I realized (insert lightbulb) I am still standing even with all the "rugs" that have been pulled out from under me. I may feel uncertain and shaky, I may be weak and emotional but I am still standing. That's it He want's me to stand! So stand I WILL! Hey God...can you hold my hands extra tight...I am trying to stand and I know there are more "rugs" to come.

Reminders of David

"Unless you are living under a rock, I am sure you have heard what happened in Haiti and to David Hames." I steal those words from our beloved pastor. My husband and I found it one of the funniest things we have ever heard in light of the fact that at the time he said it our friend was literally buried under the rubble in the Hotel Montana and at that time we didn't know his fate. Since then we have found out that David one of our dearest friends went to be with the Lord on January 12th. Why I share this story is simple....David would have laughed. He would have caught the irony, tilted his head back and chuckled.

I love to remember David even though generally the tears fall with each reminder. David was a good friend who did friendship well. He was committed and loyal. He was helpful and fun. I have the privilege of having many David memories. I have pictures of family trips, pictures of him holding my children at their birth, at costume parties, birthday parties and just hanging out playing cards. I have emails from him of good appliance repair places and who should fix a garage door.

I went on a date with my love to Carabbas and as we pulled in the parking lot I began to cry. We have many memories of eating there with David and Renee. I however was recalling the memory of when we got a flat tire as we were picking up dinner to have with the Hames. We not being very mechanical couldn't get the lug nuts off the tire. David without hesitation jumped in his car to rescue us. No judgement no irritation. He gently taught us the secrets to our own car. He loved us we are blessed.

One of my last conversation with David is one I will always treasure. We were sitting in my dinning room eating lunch after church on Sunday. He looked at Carl and I and said, "it is so good to hang with the Adams' again. I missed having you guys around like this." I said to him, "You have no idea how good it is to be back with you. We missed you guys so much!" David was intentional we knew his feelings. I am thankful!

I will miss "hanging" with David. I will miss my friend who knows a little bit about everything. I will miss a man who adored his wife and kids. I will miss a man who could without hesitation tell you he loved you.

I hope and pray people will learn from David. Tell people often how you feel. Let them know you love them. Invite people into your home, invest in them. David did that and this is why his death has impacted so many. Let your life be lived with the same passion, intention and dedication that David lived his.

I am not a writer!

Breaking News...Joy Adams is not a writer.

As I was trying to figure out how the whole blogging thing worked my husband saw me deep in thought struggling to figure out the blogger tools. With shock he said "YOU are starting a blog?" I simply answered him with a "yep." He then asked "Why?" I had no answer. I had NO answer. Why was is it that I have had such an urge to write? Why have I had this burning passion to tell my stories. Is it because I think I am so special and I will have so many answers to help people...nope. Is it because I have such an incredible vocabulary and will amaze people with my perfect grammar...keep reading and you will see that won't be true. Is it because I am a world traveler and have led such an amazing life that everyone will want to hear about me...truthfully I have never been out of the USA. Why now at 36 years old would I feel this desire?

I think I know....

For the first time in my life I feel that what I have to say matters. I know it will not be earth shattering. I know that it probably won't solve poverty or cure disease. It may even annoy some people. Yet, in my soul I have figured out that what I have to say no matter how profound or simple has value. That is why I want to write!