Stand!

Life has truly been difficult lately, I mean soul wrenching, faith testing, pull your hair out difficult. I think I have had my fair share of testing over the past couple of years. I say this not to get sympathy or to have my own private pity party (I know there are others with much harder burdens to bear). I actually believe that without these trials God can not produce in my life what He needs to. However, lately I feel exhausted. I have no emotional filter and find myself crying because I can't get the jelly jar open. I keep asking God to show me what He is doing. Why? Why? Why? God tell me why are you allowing all this !**@!~ in my life?

Today, I felt like I got an answer. It was a simple answer. I am not sure my Mom even knows she helped answer my question.

The story goes like this...I called my Mom to vent about our hot water heater that went out on our townhouse we rent out. Yesterday I had the plumber out to fix the problem and it was only $85 I was so thrilled that it wasn't more...until 9:15 when our tenants called to let us know it still wasn't working. I was so frustrated and yes the tears fell and a few angry words went up to God. I called my Mom this morning and said "Mom, I don't get it! I feel like God is playing games with us. I feel like He gives us reason to have hope and then nope He just allows the rug to be pulled out from underneath us. It feels cruel." My mom very gently said, "honey I think He just wants you to stand." Immediately she had to go from the phone call. I was left to chew on that. What? He wants me to stand...hello He keeps pulling the rug out from under me. It isn't easy to stay on your feet when the ground isn't stable. But then I realized (insert lightbulb) I am still standing even with all the "rugs" that have been pulled out from under me. I may feel uncertain and shaky, I may be weak and emotional but I am still standing. That's it He want's me to stand! So stand I WILL! Hey God...can you hold my hands extra tight...I am trying to stand and I know there are more "rugs" to come.