Jeremiah 29:11 & Chick-fil-A

Yesterday was a day to go down in my history books. It was a yucky day. It was full of things that I didn't want to do and things I wish I hadn't said. The things I didn't want to do were things that I had been putting off and I had to face. The things I tackled were huge and life changing not the I need to go the grocery store type things. I actually fed my children cereal for dinner. I know that may not sound like something one should freak out about. Except, if you know me you know I am a person who makes a sit down meal for my family almost nightly. I was exhausted at 8:17 pm when I pulled into Chick-fil-A to buy my dinner. My emotional energy spent, my reserves gone, my heart broken and my spirit angry.

I pulled forward in the drive thru to get my #1 meal with extra pickle and there he was. He may have been 19 or at the most 20 years old. He had blonde hair, he was a little chubby and had a sweet smile. I noticed none of that initially. Frankly, I just wanted my food and wanted to go home. He looked at me and said "Ma-am, are you OK?" I responded with a "Ya, how about you?" He responded, "No, really are you OK?" I a little more annoyed said "Yes, I am fine." I wondered if I was wearing a sign that says my life is a little out of control and I don't like it? Then he said "I hope you don't mind but I feel like I am supposed to tell you Jeremiah 29:11." My eyes filled with tears. I couldn't hold back. He knew I wasn't OK. He knew he heard the voice of God telling him to say that to me. He knew I needed that! I got my food and drove away. I spent the first five minutes of my drive home in shock. I spent the next five minutes thanking a good and faithful God who loves me even when I am grumpy. God knew I needed Him to show me His heart. God knew I needed to know He still cared.

If you don't know Jeremiah 29:11 it is a verse I have had memorized for years. It is a verse that I often will repeat to myself to help me process situations in my life. I highly recommend committing this one to memory...see if I didn't know the verse Chick-fil-A guy's comment probably wouldn't have been as impacting.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I love my man!

Today I had a very bad attitude as Carl left for work. It wasn't work I had the bad attitude about. It was the work retreat that he was going on for three days. I usually don't care about such things. Sometimes I even enjoy the time for just me after the kids are in bed. Today however, I didn't feel like letting my friend, lover, leader, co-parent and comic relief leave my side. I didn't do a good job letting him know that my heart is running on empty and I just want to have him with me.

Perspective.....

I am grateful because today my husband is just a few miles away relaxing in the beauty that we call home, Colorado. He is able to text me, call me and probably can even read this blog. He is an amazing man. He is a leader, he is Godly, he is humble, he is mine.

I am sad that two young mothers today sit without half of their heart. I am sad that there is nothing that anyone can do to ease their sorrow. I am sad that God allowed two amazing husbands to leave this world far too soon.

So I take my bad attitude and put it into perspective, my husband will be home soon.

God help me to intercede for those who will never again feel their husbands arms, hear his soothing voice and watch him tickle their children. Help me to understand their needs. Help me to never take for granted every moment I have with the man I call husband!

The Song

Here are the lyrics to the song I wrote for Renee. Renee asked me to record the song for her. I don't play an instrument and I don't have the ability to record music. If you know of anyone who could help I would greatly appreciate your help. If you have gone through a season of pain I hope this song brings you comfort!

The Journey

It was a journey we didn’t want to face

It had an outcome that is still so hard to embrace

So many questions with answers so unclear

I know that Heaven is filled with all our tears

He is all that we need He will hold us tight

He is all we have to make it through this fight

I don’t understand Him and I don’t like His plan

But as we seek our Father we are held in his hands

He is loving, kind, and faithful, merciful and true

He is not offended by our small human view

For He is God and He is Good

Our hearts are aching beyond compare

Our heads are spinning from all our doubts and fears

Our hope is wounded our spirit broken

But faith remains when our hearts are wide open for….

He is all that we need He will hold us tight

He is all we have to make it through this fight

I don’t understand Him and I don’t like His plan

But as we seek our Father we are held in his hands

He is loving, kind, and faithful, merciful and true

He is not offended by our small human view

For He is God and He is Good

There is a healing for all to receive

He will redeem this if only we believe

He has a purpose His promises are real

He has compassion that pain is all we feel

He is all that we need He will hold us tight

He is all we have to make it through this fight

I don’t understand Him and I don’t like His plan

But as we seek our Father we are held in his hands

He is loving, kind, and faithful, merciful and true

He is not offended by our small human view

For He is God and He is Good

The Price of Friendship

I always thought I was a good friend. I typically(note the word choice) was kind to people. I had several "good" friends and I valued my relationships.

Then January 12th, 2010 changed everything. I realized I knew NOTHING about friendship. This day wiped away every thought or idealization I had of friendship. It was this day I realized that friendship isn't having BBQ's, planning play-dates, calling to chit chat, setting up holiday gatherings, deciding which movie to see or what restaurant to eat at (although these are fun and important parts of relationship). January 12th, 2010 is a date that called me deeper. It is a date that made me learn what it means to stand in the gap for a friend. It is a date that has forever changed how I look at friendship.

God asked me to sing a song that He had given me. He asked me to sing it at a brunch we had for Renee. He asked me to sing it in front of all of the women there. I begged God to give me an out. I looked for people to help me record the song so I could just play it for them (Ironically, David wasn't available.). I begged God to just let me read the lyrics. I explained to God that everyone will get the point. God said to my heart over and over "Are you willing to pay the price of friendship?" "WHAT???? Really God?" " Yes, I am willing to pay the price for friendship. Why is singing a song in front of a group of people what you want from me?" God's reply was so deep it took me back to childhood. I was reminded of all the years I spent singing on a stage, show choirs, drama productions, church worship teams and more. He reminded me how I always felt second class. I never felt quite good enough. Today I don't sing at all. I haven't used my gift in at least ten years. Most of my friends don't even know my passion for singing. Trust me there is a point here. He said "You have stopped using your gifts because you don't feel worthy. You don't feel worthy because you are prideful. Until you lay down your pride and be vulnerable you will never know how to be a friend." Still confused I obeyed. I sang the song. I was scared out of my mind as I find it much more difficult to sing in front of a few people then in front of a huge audience. I get it now. God called me to show Renee that I am willing to lay it all on the line for her. I don't know if Renee really knows how deeply that moment impacted me. I don't know if she realized that in that moment I fully understood what it meant to be a friend. I hope she does see the changes in me. I hope she knows that I am not a fair-weathered friend. I hope she knows I am willing to obey whatever God asks of me to be the friend that she needs. Renee isn't my only friend and I hope and pray that others in my life are seeing the changes too.