Then January 12th, 2010 changed everything. I realized I knew NOTHING about friendship. This day wiped away every thought or idealization I had of friendship. It was this day I realized that friendship isn't having BBQ's, planning play-dates, calling to chit chat, setting up holiday gatherings, deciding which movie to see or what restaurant to eat at (although these are fun and important parts of relationship). January 12th, 2010 is a date that called me deeper. It is a date that made me learn what it means to stand in the gap for a friend. It is a date that has forever changed how I look at friendship.
God asked me to sing a song that He had given me. He asked me to sing it at a brunch we had for Renee. He asked me to sing it in front of all of the women there. I begged God to give me an out. I looked for people to help me record the song so I could just play it for them (Ironically, David wasn't available.). I begged God to just let me read the lyrics. I explained to God that everyone will get the point. God said to my heart over and over "Are you willing to pay the price of friendship?" "WHAT???? Really God?" " Yes, I am willing to pay the price for friendship. Why is singing a song in front of a group of people what you want from me?" God's reply was so deep it took me back to childhood. I was reminded of all the years I spent singing on a stage, show choirs, drama productions, church worship teams and more. He reminded me how I always felt second class. I never felt quite good enough. Today I don't sing at all. I haven't used my gift in at least ten years. Most of my friends don't even know my passion for singing. Trust me there is a point here. He said "You have stopped using your gifts because you don't feel worthy. You don't feel worthy because you are prideful. Until you lay down your pride and be vulnerable you will never know how to be a friend." Still confused I obeyed. I sang the song. I was scared out of my mind as I find it much more difficult to sing in front of a few people then in front of a huge audience. I get it now. God called me to show Renee that I am willing to lay it all on the line for her. I don't know if Renee really knows how deeply that moment impacted me. I don't know if she realized that in that moment I fully understood what it meant to be a friend. I hope she does see the changes in me. I hope she knows that I am not a fair-weathered friend. I hope she knows I am willing to obey whatever God asks of me to be the friend that she needs. Renee isn't my only friend and I hope and pray that others in my life are seeing the changes too.