Monday, March 1, 2010

Tough Days

Yesterday was very difficult for both my husband and myself. It was just one of those days when you look at the circumstances of your life and ache.

Yesterday was Zander's third birthday. We were so privileged to have lunch with him and celebrate. He was so joyful and excited to turn three. He graced us all with his favorite saying "What's your name?" Even though he not only knows our names he could probably say them in alphabetical order. He just loves to ask everyone that question. He danced a silly dance and took pictures with everyone. He lit up as we sang Happy Birthday and loved his froggy cake. He had a great time!

We however, felt the loss more than ever. It seems so wrong for a three year old not to celebrate his birthday with his father. I missed David's proud Papa face. It was painful and sad. When I got home I realized just how angry I am at God. I am so annoyed by his plan. Yes,(for those of you who attend Vanguard)I judged God. I know I shouldn't but I don't know how to not judge Him right now. He could have saved my friend but He didn't. He could have allowed a three year old many more years with an adoring father.

This morning I felt prompted to read through Job. As I was reading I realized that I do want to love God like Job did. He was stripped of everything and never cursed God(wish this was true of me). I guess it comes down to continuing to journey onward with God. I don't trust Him or like Him but I do still Love Him. I wonder how many of you are exactly where I am at?

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